Man Colds!

Now ladies, is there anyone else out there whose stomach knots when their husbands utter the words “I think I’m coming down with something”?!  That one wee sentence can fill with dread even those whose nursing skills have come direct from the wards of Florence Nightingale (unlike me whose skills were learned from a book where the immediate retort is meant to be, ”Yes, and?!)  And why are we filled with such dread?….because men don’t do ‘colds’, they only get flu (swine flu if they’re feeling particularly trendy) or pneumonia, both of which require their better halves to get to a point where they are wondering what additional pressure they can put on their husband’s weakened systems to ACTUALLY get them hospitalized!

The various points of torture to the unnurturing wife (which I openly admit to being) are numerous:-

1. Brow creased with a look of genuine pain and suffering
2. “I hate being ill I feel so frustrated” (diddums!)
3. Coughing every time you are within hearing range
4. Arm flung across the brow (known to us experts as ‘The Dying Swan’ position)
5. “It’s ok, I’ll do it myself” (a guilt loaded phrase said in a long suffering way when he doesn’t get his wishes granted immediately)
6. And the ‘piece de resistance’ of the technical age!  Forget the little bell to attract the nurses attention, that’s soooo last century, no, now we get a phone call or a text message from the bedroom stating the patients needs!!!

Now please don’t think that I’m completely without any empathy.  Dispite my strongest urges, I did not board up the bedroom and paint a big black cross on it.  I made butternut squash soup so that he didn’t have to swallow anything too rough, I made a trip to the supermarket (in the pouring rain) for lemsips and throaties and I did have the good grace to feel slightly ashamed by my lack of fussing.  In my defense, I blame my mother for this!  We were brought up to believe that you are punished for being ill, (no telly, no playing, no reading, no enjoying yourself whatsoever) simply to discourage any milking of the situation and asking for extra days off school!  I’m kind of hoping that my poor husband doesn’t feel so starved of attention that he feels that he has to ‘act out’ in this way, but who knows!

Anyway, let’s hope this rights itself quickly and doesn’t drag on for the entire school holidays!  One last tip though for any wives out there about to blow a gasket,  if you’re feeling close to the edge after one too many texts, send the kids in to pander to his whims once or twice, this helps to restore a happy equilibrium between man and wife!….Everyone’s a winner!!!

Dramatic Moments Part 1

I was chatting to my fab friend last night, the lady responsible for my foray into blogging. She suggested that each week I include a highlight of the week from my drama sessions, so here goes!

I think the honour this week has to go to my students at Harewood Primary. In terms of sheer dynamics, energy and positive attitude, they are an awesome group, and this week had me laughing until I cried.

We talked about how different cultures have different ways of greeting one another, e.g. kisses on both cheeks, rubbing of noses, fists touching etc. so I asked them to get in pairs and imagine they were from a culture, never seen before perhaps from a far flung galaxy, and create a unique, never before seen way for the people of that culture to greet one another. When they had completed the task, they got to show back their new ‘greeting’ to the rest of the group. What I didn’t tell them (which was probably a very good decision!) was that after each group, I would then come over and try and replicate the greeting with them (no matter how ridiculous). Coupled with the fact that they had just discovered that I was nearly 40 (“no way! We thought you were only, like, 21″…this comment overlooking the fact that I had brought my teenage daughter to a session with me at the end of last year!) I think I scored a few Brownie points for my efforts!

Greetings prepared, I then asked the groups to pair up with another group and create a short scene where their 2 cultures were coming together for the first time. They could use their new greetings, but must communicate in any way other than using spoken English! The results were hilarious. I couldn’t have rented a film that would have made me laugh as much as I did during their showbacks, it was priceless!!!

Fun workshop or a lesson learnt?! Fortunately both! What they saw was obvious, when you take away what you think of as being the primary tool for communication, the rest of your body and your face comes to life! Over exaggerated? Absolutely! Naturalistic acting? Not a chance! An important lesson in how the whole body must be involved when acting, i.e., it’s not just the words you say but how your body and expression backs it up (or not in the case of opposing subtext!), Oh Yeh!

So thank you Harewood Primary for my mid week belly laugh, hats off to you all, you’re awesome!

Coming out of the Dark

Depression is a horrible thing.  I know that how I feel is nowhere near as horrific as others have it, but I also know that how I feel is probably the way a horrific amount of people feel without being aware that it’s depression, but at least I have that self awareness and having that gives me some power over it.  However, you do have moments where on some level you start thinking, is this the way it’s going to be forever? Am I always going to feel as though I’m just going through the motions, observing from somewhere just behind my own shoulder without feeling a part of it (goldfish bowl sydrome as I call it!) Then, just as you are almost getting used to the fact that everything you do feels as though you are carrying a heavy load with you (http://kiwijan.wordpress.com/2009/03/31/wading-through-mud/) a pleasant bubbling begins somewhere deep inside, gradually, over time spreading itself right through you until one day you find yourself driving along smiling for no better reason than the sun is shining, you’ve got your favourite music on and you’re looking forward to seeing a friend or sitting in a cafe with a trashy mag and a cup of tea!

 

I never treat these feelings with caution, I don’t sit there and say “it’s no use feeling this good, it wont last”, because to treat it with caution would be like handing a gift back that you’d wanted for a long time, you just wouldn’t and you shouldn’t!  This stage of recovery, ‘Coming out of the Dark’, is a bit of a rollercoaster.  Yes you do have times you feel great, which brings enormous relief and gratitude to the people around you that haven’t given up on you, but on the flip side, the lows for a while feel a lot lower and you have to constantly resist the urge to be pitiful and see it as a set back.

 

As the good times get longer and stronger and you become part of life again rather than an observer, the confidence increases and gradually your motivation once again kicks into gear!  I’ve just doubled my intake for my North New Brighton Drama Club for Term 2 and I’ve got another session for younger children on offer too!……not enough fully signed up yet, but I’ve got a few more weeks yet!

 

So there you go, things are looking up and I’m ready for action! xx

‘In Amble of Happiness’ Part 2

The Warmth of the Late Afternoon Sun

I sat on my half finished patio in my half finished garden and put my feet up on our glass patio table that had so recently been our dining suite.  I closed my eyes, exhaled and turned my face towards the sun.  The late afternoon, late summer sun has a special quality.  It’s an unexpected warmth, one that soothes all worries from your mind and body.  when you close your eyes, the orange glow of the sun behind your eyelids is friendly and comforting.

I can feel the cool glass surface of the table against my calfs, balancing the warmth on my face.  I let the sounds and smells of the suburbs wash in and out of the perimeter of my consciousness; the chatter of the family next door in a tongue we haven’t yet identified; the drone of a mower stirring the scent of fresh grass, even the hammering of builders conscientiously working through the last hour of the afternoon seems soft and lazy and suits my mood.

Gradually the heat of the sun cools and subsides as it slips towards the horizon, replacing my skin with a coolness that moves me back indoors.  Autumn is moments away.

‘In Amble of Happiness’ part 1

 

 

As previously stated, I started to collect my thoughts on happiness in a journal, inspired by somebody else’s questioning about what made me happy and joyful.  After a pretty rough year, I wanted to only write about positive things, moments that inspired me, people that inspired me, an analysis of the good things in life.  ‘Pursuit’ of happiness implies that there is an end goal to achieve, but whilst goal setting is an important part of life, I try not to forget to enjoy the everyday, simple things that can lift us through the day, ‘In Amble of Happiness’ seems a far more appropriate title to me.  It is like the saying ‘you can’t see the wood for the trees’, if you just see the end goal and nothing else, then you are missing opportunities for joy and happiness along the way!  Look for the little moments in your day that make you smile and bring you warmth, and joy, and the bigger things will take care of themselves.

This is my journey as I move forward.  A sharing of the beauty I see around me and personal insight along the path.  I hope that some of what I share will strike a chord with you, maybe even inspire you, but above all I just hope you enjoy it!

Moments in Time

OK, so these are the pieces that are those moments in the day when the beauty of the world either slaps you in the face and make you go “wow!”, wraps itself around you and makes you go “mmmmm” or slides it’s hand under your heart and lifts it!  We live on the edge of a forest, which I spend a lot of time in either on my bike, walking or just sitting in the middle of it enjoying it’.  Not surprisingly, many of my ‘moments’ happen when I am there, which kind of fits in neatly with the whole ‘not seeing the wood for the trees’ thing (lol).  I can definitely see the wood…..the trees…..the birds…..the dragonflies….you get the idea!

Peace

I stopped at the crossroads of two forest tracks.  Great shafts of sunlight filtered through the pines, still fragrant and fresh from the previous day’s rain.  The luxuriant warmth of the sunbeams, in the wake of yesterday’s chill, caused the moisture of the forest bed to rise lazily in glittering clouds of steam.

I looked further up into the lofty tops of the trees, they remained perfectly still as if holding their breath, waiting for me to make the first move.  A single drop of water fell from a branch high up, tumbling towards the ground, catching the light as it fell like the crystal that hangs in the window at home.

I noticed the song of a bird calling in the stillness, reminding me that there was a day to be lived.  I took one last look at the scene and drew the peace into me in a deep breath, smiling, I continued on my way.

 

 

 

Autumn Days….In Amble of Happiness

I can’t say that I have a favourite season, I love all the seasons for different things. I love driving out on a crisp winter day and seeing snow on the mountains and love snuggling under a blanket in the warmth of the glowing ‘heatpump’ (is it meant to do that!) I love Spring for that feeling of hope and new life and the abundance of blossoms. Summer for me means long sunny days and less ironing (I can knock those wee summer tops off in seconds!) And then there is Autumn. I’ve just been biking in the forest, it’s a beautiful Autumn day, there were kids out on their bikes with their friends that took me right back to my own childhood when we used to ride off on our bikes with our ‘picnic’ to Glass Hill near the ferry, not as pretty as my beautiful forest but good times if I’m not being too sentimental! It’s the smell of Autumn that I love the most though, the one that comes from damp leaves lying on the forest paths, an earthy smell that somehow makes you part of what’s around you rather than just an observer, which is what I’ve been recently.

My bike ride made me think of the journal I started writing a couple of years ago. It’s not one of those “…and then I went to the supermarket…..it was very busy….!”, but one that explores my own experience of happiness. The writing was inspired by someone close, who had lost their way a little and had all but forget what happiness felt like. In their questioning of me and my experience I started writing ‘In Amble of Happiness’, which was a collection of descriptive writing that attempted to put into words those feelings of joy, peace and wonder that you can experience in the course of your daily life if you look for it or leave yourself open to it.

Now that the warmth and sunshine is creeping back into my life, I’d like to share some of that writing, so watch this space!

Calling all UK Expats!

Whether you are a Brit living here in New Zealand or anywhere else in the world for that matter, if you’re somewhere that doesn’t have a Marks and Spencer, go on admit it, YOU MISS IT!   When I was in Singapore last year I was almost catatonic with excitement when I turned around and saw that beloved green shop frontage!  My daughter and I ooohhhd (me) and squealed (her) around the food department before I sent daughter and husband away…..”leave me, I may be some time”…so I could trawl my way through their entire collection of bras!  Ahhhh, good times……

 

…..sorry, I was just having a moment!  Anyway, I probably shouldn’t tell you, but I’m going to anyway, but M & S do now deliver to far flung places such as, well, New Zealand!  But if you’re feeling the pinch at the moment and don’t fancy the £20 P&P, click on the link below to fill in the ‘Home and Abroad’ survey and be in to win a £250 gift card!

http://www.marksandspencer.com/homeandabroad

Good Luck….I’ll get Bob to send happy vibes!

Wading Through Mud

I’m generally a very positive and joyful person. I enjoy the simple things around me; the light in the forrest when I’m out on my bike; a cuppa and muffin in a cafe whilst reading whatever book I’ve got on the go; the sound of the waves and smell of a fresh sea breeze, you name it, I can let it fill me with good feelings. Every once in a while that enjoyment fails me. Why? Because once in a while depression weedles its way into my psychi leaving me flat and ‘wading through mud’.  I’m sure most people understand this to some degree, that feeling that everything you’re doing feels just that bit harder to do than normal, even everyday things like washing your face at night can feel like a mountain to climb!

I don’t know why I it happens, it doesn’t particularly run in the family and, as I’ve said, I’m a pretty positive person. My theory is that if something has happened at some point in your life to cause it once, then somehow that makes you more susceptible and, regardless of whether there is any reason for it, sometimes depression and anxiety can seep its way in!

On a positive note, I have become a minor expert at spotting the signs and knowing the difference between being fed up for a week and the sort of feeling that you know no amount of positive thinking alone is going to get you out of! Fortunately, I have no issues with taking medication and use it in conjunction with exercise and continuing to do the things I usually do, and would usually get pleasure from, even if it doesn’t feel the same. I also have a fantastic group of friends who don’t look at me as if I’ve developed a 2nd head and don’t stop laughing around me as if it’s somehow disrespectful to my sombreness!

So I’ll keep taking the tablets, put one foot in front of the other and hope that the ‘mud’ will soon change to ‘water’ and eventually ‘air’ as I fly again!

Would you like some prozac with that cup of tea Bob?…..

“What’s my motivation darling?”

Well, once again, it’s nearly 10 in the morning and I’m still sat in my PJs in front of the computer!  I was up just after my husband pulled out of the drive taking number 1 daughter to school and unlike many morning, I actually had a spring in my step.  The cold I’ve had for the past 4 days seems to have eased and I was feeling all motivated to clean the house and catch up on the ironing.  An hour and a half later, here I still am!

Admittedly I have just prepared my workshop for this afternoon (I generally don’t have a problem motivating myself for the ‘absolutely need to do’), but at the point when I should have banged the stereo on with some ‘get up and go’ music, I then thought, “ok, just 1 game of hearts”, then all of a sudden, my ‘get up and go’ got up and disappeared through the door leaving me sat here thinking “you’re pathetic Walmsley!”  All of a sudden the house seems awfully quite and I’m wondering where the hell do I start!

My problem is that I’m too easily distracted!  At the weekend I was going to write a post about getting distracted when, guess what, I got distracted!  Am I the only person who wishes that games for the PC had never been invented but can’t quite manage to go in and delete them, thinking instead that all I need is a little will power?

So, here’s what I’m going to do.  Let’s just go and tackle 1 thing….the ironing, then when I finish that, who knows, my mojo might be back by then!

What do you think Bob……1 more game before we get started?!……..

Taking Your Own Advice

OK, hands up all of you out there who can wax lyrical to other people how they should have faith in themselves, follow their dreams, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” (good old Susan Jeffers)?!   Now hands up all of you who think that this advice is meant for everyone but themselves?! Yes, one or two of you out there!

Typical of this syndrome was last night. I’m there telling my friend how she has so much potential but she can often be found talking herself out of trying something new, taking action on a great business idea or not applying for a job because she doesn’t have enough experience or knowledge to be able to do it perfectly from day 1!  So I was giving her my full motivational speech about ‘stepping out of the comfort zone’ to get that extra experience; how ‘failing is just a way of finding out a way that doesn’t work’ and how if she told herself that she could cope with her failures she would give herself licence to go for it more! God, I was good…I was on fire….I could already see her at a ceremony for Christchurch ‘Business Woman of the Year’, thanking her dear friend ‘Janet’ for instilling her with the confidence to follow her instincts.

As fast as the image was in my head it immediately evaporates with the realisation that we can give ourselves and others the best advice in the world, but it will never work unless the individual is willing to go “Yes, you’re absolutely right, from this day forward I will live by this excellent set of rules”, and yes, this includes yourself!  And why don’t we accept this fantastic advice?….Because it’s too bloody hard….and like most people, we are just not sadistic enough to put ourselves through such constant emotional discomfort! 

All that said, think of it like this, even if you can’t live by these rules 24/7, take advantage of those days when you feel that you can conquer, well, not a mountain exactly, but maybe a minor foothill, and do something that pushes your boundaries a little!  It doesn’t have to be ALL OR NOTHING, it CAN be something in between!

“Would you like an inspirational speech with your coffee Bob?…….”