Now ladies, is there anyone else out there whose stomach knots when their husbands utter the words “I think I’m coming down with something”?! That one wee sentence can fill with dread even those whose nursing skills have come direct from the wards of Florence Nightingale (unlike me whose skills were learned from a book where the immediate retort is meant to be, ”Yes, and?!) And why are we filled with such dread?….because men don’t do ‘colds’, they only get flu (swine flu if they’re feeling particularly trendy) or pneumonia, both of which require their better halves to get to a point where they are wondering what additional pressure they can put on their husband’s weakened systems to ACTUALLY get them hospitalized!
The various points of torture to the unnurturing wife (which I openly admit to being) are numerous:-
- Brow creased with a look of genuine pain and suffering
- “I hate being ill I feel so frustrated” (diddums!)
- Coughing every time you are within hearing range
- Arm flung across the brow (known to us experts as ‘The Dying Swan’ position)
- “It’s ok, I’ll do it myself” (a guilt loaded phrase said in a long suffering way when he doesn’t get his wishes granted immediately)
- And the ‘piece de resistance’ of the technical age! Forget the little bell to attract the nurses attention, that’s soooo last century, no, now we get a phone call or a text message from the bedroom stating the patients needs!!!
Now please don’t think that I’m completely without any empathy. Dispite my strongest urges, I did not board up the bedroom and paint a big black cross on it. I made butternut squash soup so that he didn’t have to swallow anything too rough, I made a trip to the supermarket (in the pouring rain) for lemsips and throaties and I did have the good grace to feel slightly ashamed by my lack of fussing. In my defense, I blame my mother for this! We were brought up to believe that you are punished for being ill, (no telly, no playing, no reading, no enjoying yourself whatsoever) simply to discourage any milking of the situation and asking for extra days off school! I’m kind of hoping that my poor husband doesn’t feel so starved of attention that he feels that he has to ‘act out’ in this way, but who knows!
Anyway, let’s hope this rights itself quickly and doesn’t drag on for the entire school holidays! One last tip though for any wives out there about to blow a gasket, if you’re feeling close to the edge after one too many texts, send the kids in to pander to his whims once or twice, this helps to restore a happy equilibrium between man and wife!….Everyone’s a winner!!!
A mother gets the blame again! For a long suffering Mum of a ‘Drama Queen’ (Incidently a Drama Queen of whom Dad & I are immensly proud!) your comments about not being allowed fun while you were ill were unfair. If a child is really ill, fun is the last thing on it’s mind. As for not being allowed to watch telly – we didn’t have one in my childrens younger days! Our little ‘Drama Queen’ was excellent at her job even in those days so Mum had to be one jump ahead. Even to the extent of catching her little queen in the act of wetting her eyelashes so she looked as if she had been weeping!
Keep up the good work!
Never heard of aversion therapy?! I can safely say that the only drama I’m queen of these days is my own business and that I’ve very much handled traumatic events in my life with a lot less drama than other people do!
Haha – Jan…you and your mum are funny xx